Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"I'd rather have a sister who worked in a brothel ...

... than to have a brother working as a journalist."

This is not a joke topic - and I'm not kidding here!

Consider this - if I were asked to participate in a debate defending a profession - and I had to choose between that of a journalist ... or a call-girl ...

Well, I think I would have better luck finding more positive things to say about call-girls than I would journalists.

Seriously.

I mean - arguably, a call-girl provides an honest service for her clients. Arguably, if she puts a smile on the face of a fat, stressed-out, frustrated, but powerful businessman - then you could argue that the positive energy in that potentially spreads to everyone that that businessman deals with for at least a few days. Perhaps the next day he comes into work and he's a little nicer to his secretary - who is a single Mom and comes home a bit happier the next evening because her boss was not yelling at her - and her happiness transmits to her kids - who do a little better in school the next day because Mom was nice at home the evening before.

Hey - it's a stretch but I think there is more science behind my argument above than there is for global warming.

On the other hand - I can't find anything redeemable about the profession of journalism. I think journalists are the new "whores" of the 21st century.

Before I go here ... let's take a moment to lament the death of the "news reporter" - the guy or gal who just reported the facts and wasn't worried about the entertainment or shock value or political spin that could be placed on them. Reporters were honest people - but they don't exist anymore - or if they do they're working for some obscure paper in Wyoming or the flatlands of West Texas.

Reporters are an extinct species ... they were systematically hunted down and killed by journalists. Their food and water supply was cut off and they were hunted and killed off. To ensure that no more Reporters were ever bred - Journalists were placed to watch their breeding grounds - the colleges and universities - and those Journalists ensure that nothing but Journalists are spawned on those breeding grounds.

So that's the first reason you should hate Journalists - they're guilty of a form of genocide. (SMILE)

But the main reason you should hate journalists is for what they've done to our society. They've made us fearful of everything. They've turned us into the worst kind of voyeurs. They've brought Jerry Springerism into the main-stream. They've turned us into the worst kinds of judgmental bastards you could ever imagine and they've turned our attention away from things that matter and on to trivial matters that no one should be concerned with.

Example: The collapse of the Mississippi River bridge in Minneapolis a few weeks ago. Any question of why that bridge collapsed was a TRIVIAL matter - or should have been until a full engineering inspection and investigation had been done by the NTSB. That takes MONTHS though. Until that investigation is completed - any and all "causes" cited for the collapse of that bridge are merely speculation - i.e. TRIVIAL.

But the journalists couldn't wait for an answer - so they kept the airwaves stocked with rumor and speculation about the causes. In the end - their conclusion was that all of the national infrastructure was screwed. It must be George Bush's fault - or it must be the fault of Global Warming which is causing the infrastructure to go to hell in a handbasket - and the warming is George Bush's fault so it no matter the reason - it's G.W.'s fault!

Journalists are like little kids - kids who have to have instant gratification. You drive up to the drive through - order a story - then you pull around to the window, pay for it and move on. They think that the whole world and everything that happens has a simple answer - and it doesn't require a lot of hard work or investigation to figure out why something happened. Just conjure some veiled conspiracy - and sprinkle a modest amount of drama over the event and - VOILA! You have a story!

By the time anyone figures out you were wrong - you (and the American public) will be on to other more interesting things.

That's the way it rolls folks - from the Drama Whores of the 21st century - the Journalists.

Earl Charles Spencer claims that the Press is more responsible for killing his sister, Princess Diana, than anything or anyone else.

He's right - but many in the press are off on a cockamamie pursuit of a conspiracy between the CIA and British Intelligence to kill the Princess. Pathetic.

The TET Offensive, during the Vietnam War - was portrayed as an American defeat by the press. In reality - it was a victory for U.S. Forces in Vietnam.

The Iraq war today - is being portrayed as an American defeat by the press. In reality - in spite of all the ugliness - we're killing great numbers of terrorists in Iraq and have been since we entered the country years ago.

The press is incapable of getting stories correct - because the work ethic of the reporter was exterminated in favor of "fast-food" conspiracy theories and "junk-food" drama.

It's very sad.

If you're a reporter reading this - let me tell you how much I personally respect you ...

A degree in journalism is a liberal arts degree and, in fact - apparently you don't really need any degree to be a journalist.

Sean Penn proudly calls himself a journalist - and he can get away with it. He couldn't get away with calling himself an Electronics Technician, or an EMT, or a Teacher, or a Machinist, or a Policeman - or anything else that requires QUALIFICATIONS.

But he can call himself a journalist.

And so can Michael Moore.

And instead of condemning these idiot posers - journalists attempt to emulate them!

It's pretty sad when someone can mock a profession and the people who belong to that profession embrace them.

And it's impossible for me to respect journalists because of this. Every time I see a hot 24-year old "journalist" on the television ranting about how some politician has screwed up a situation ...

I just think about how many problems that "journalist" has ever solved in her life and question what gives her the right to point a finger? She's never paid her dues - unless you want to count breast augmentation as a "due payment".

That's not the way it used to be - and it's not the way it should be now. "Journalists" should not be respected - for they haven't earned respect.

And that's about all I have to say about them. When your son or daughter finally comes around to telling you what they plan on doing with their lives - pray to high heaven that they don't tell you they want to be a "journalist".

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