Global Warming Hilarity in My Lifetime ...

"Man-made carbon emissions are cooling this planet at such a rate - it will cause a NEW ICE AGE in our lifetime."

"Er ... strike that ... we were a bit wrong on that ... those emissions will cause GLOBAL WARMING on such a scale it will have ABSOLUTELY CATOSTROPHIC CONSEQUENCES FOR MANKIND."

"Don't let your guard down ... The ERUPTION OF MOUNT PENATUBO in the Phillipeans did shoot up enough particulate into the atmosphere to stall global warming - that's why temperatures aren't rising - but this will only last for a decade!"

"1998 was the WARMEST YEAR OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ... See we told you this global warming stuff was serious!"

"Er ... strike that ... Okay 1936 was actually the warmest year of the twentieth century ... and some of our temperature data is bit corrupted - but enough of it is NOT corrupted for you to still believe us!"

"Don't get complacent with these RECORD COLD WINTERS ... they aren't a good sign ... it's very possible we'll see an ICE AGE right before the earth catches fire from warming."

"You'll see the evidence of Global Warming when we get this temperature data from the Argos Buoys ... that data will show beyond a shadow of doubt that the oceans are warming - and this is going to exponentially cause the planet to heat unless we do something about our Carbon emissions!"

"Oh shit ... humm ... the Argos buoys reveal the oceans are actually cooling - and have been for decades. These buoys must be broke!"

"Okay well the buoys might be right - well, it's because the Warming has caused ocean current to shift a bit - and this has a cooling effect on the ocean which will have a cooling effect on the earth for a decade or two ... but damn it - GLOBAL WARMING WILL START RIGHT BACK UP AFTER THAT!"

"Polar Bears are dying ... Ice is melting ... here's a picture of a mother and her cubs drowning in the Arctic Sea!"

"What do you mean AlGore "photoshopped" the drowning polar bears? Uhm well ... we're pretty sure that polar bears are drowning anyway and we're pretty sure they never drowned up there in the past!"

"No you can trust us on this ... the PALEO ICE RECORD shows that global warming occurs right after CO2 levels rise. It's coming folks!"

"Er ... okay our data on the ICE was wrong ... seems elevated CO2 LAGGED TEMPERATURE INCREASES by hundreds of years in the past. No matter - things will be different this time!"

"Mars is experiencing global warming too?"

EVERY GENERATION HAS TO HAVE A CHICKEN LITTLE!!

Also ... let's not forget that we were all supposed to be destroyed by now by the Ozone Hole over the South Pole. What have we heard recently on that "EMERGENCY".

You can't make up funnier stuff than this.